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"Can
I Kiss You?" ~ Do your students ask? How about You?
Sexual Assault Education in Residence Life
By Mike Domitrz
As
a RA, one of the most difficult situations you can ever
face is having one of your residents being sexually assaulted
or having a resident being accused of sexual assault.
Can you prevent sexual assault from completely happening
on your campus or in your residence? No. For this reason,
you should refer to all sexual assault education as sexual
assault awareness ~ not sexual assault prevention. Through
unique programming and open discussions, you CAN help
reduce the risk of a sexual assault occurring.
Making a
Difference Begins with Being "Different"
To make a difference, you need to create
a plan that is truly different. "No Means No",
self-defense, and role playing scenes of college students
sexually assaulting each other at college parties after
drinking. Sound familiar? These common approaches to sexual
assault awareness on campus are just that ~ common! Many
students experience these three approaches starting in
middle school and high school. By the time they are in
college, the majority of students are not listening anymore.
Do
not misunderstand me. "No means No" is a very
important message. Learning self-defense provides you
with one more valuable option to defend yourself or to
potentially avoid dangerous situations. Understanding
the importance of how alcohol and drug consumption affects
the occurrences of sexual assault is vital to students.
At the same time, none of these three approaches tackle
the core issue of sexual assault ~ getting consent! "No
Means No" addresses being denied consent, but does
not teach HOW to obtain consent. To learn the "HOW"
and to be best prepared for discussing sexual assault
awareness, purchase a book on healthy dating and sexual
assault that will provide you with in-depth exercises
to utilize with your residents. Teaching the "wrong"
approach can be devastating to sexual assault victims
and survivors.
Are You
a Follower or a Leader?
As a RA, your residents are constantly
watching your every move and remembering each word you
say. Even when you feel like no one is listening, they
are. How do you talk about dating, "hooking up",
and intimacy? If a resident returns from a date telling
everyone how he/she got drunk and then "hooked up"
with someone at the party, what do you say? Do you say
anything at all? Silence is a powerful statement.
Yes,
speaking out at a moment like the one described above
can be awkward and uncomfortable. However, caring leadership
is not easy. You were chosen to be a RA for your strength
and leadership. How will you lead your residents toward
more respectful dating and intimacy belief systems? You
can begin the process by educating yourself. Work with
sexual assault professionals from your campus and the
local community. Invite national experts to help motivate
and educate your students.
Provide
a handout that has all the campus and community resources
available for sexual assault victims and survivors. Read
the entire handout with your residents as a group (otherwise,
few will do so on their own). Request for each person
to keep the handout in an accessible location inside their
room (drawer or tackboard). If you would like more resources,
visit www.canikissyou.com and click into the "Colleges
& Universities" section of the website. The more
you empower victims and survivors to speak out, the safer
your campus becomes!
Are
you done now? No. You have only begun. Changing negative
behaviors and disrespectful belief systems takes time.
Your students are inundated on a daily basis with images
on TV and are pressured by their friends to forget what
you are trying to teach them. Schedule periodic programming
that reinforces the message of respect and care. Throughout
the year, you can do the following:
- Conduct
a Panel Discussion: invite a campus sexual assault counselor,
a campus police officer, and sexual assault nurse examiner,
and a sexual assault survivor to sit on an "open
forum" talk.
- Bring
an interactive expert to campus! Professional speakers
who are successful in the college market are known for
having unique approaches that inspire students with
new outlooks. By working with multiple campus departments
and organizations, you won't need all of the funding
to come out of your budget. An engaging, fun, and thought-provoking
speaker can inspire males and females to make significant
changes in their lives and across your campus.
- Have
a "Movie Night" with a film that addresses
sexual assault.
- Highly
encourage students to participate in "Take Back
the Night" on your campus.
- Schedule
a Self-Defense Program in Your Residence (While not
the entire solution, self-defense is always a great
option to utilize). RAD is the most commonly used self-defense
program on college campuses. Contact your campus police/security
for more information.
- What
can you think of?
You
have a wonderful opportunity to make a powerful difference
in the lives of your students. Once you teach them how
to both live with and expect respect, they will look to
you for guidance. They will listen closely to how you
talk about your own dating life and sexual experiences.
Now there is only one question left. Will you ask, "Can
I Kiss You?"
Mike
Domitrz, sexual assault awareness expert and critically-acclaimed
author, travels the country speaking on college campuses
with his popular 'Can I Kiss You? Dating, Communication,
Respect, & Sexual Assault Awareness' program for students.
Known for his creative approach to healthy dating and
sexual assault awareness, Domitrz combines a powerful
balance of humor and hard-hitting emotion. By engaging
audiences in an open debate, he builds a comfortable and
honest atmosphere for both males and females to make life-changing
decisions. In addition to residence life professionals
bringing Mike to speak, he frequently works with Campus
Activities, Greek Life, Women's Studies, Athletics, and
Orientation Programming. To learn more or to bring Mike
to your campus, visit www.canikissyou.com
For more exercises to utilize as a RA, purchase the
book residence life professionals across the country and
in Canada are raving about ~ May I Kiss You? A Candid
Look at Dating, Communication, Respect, and Sexual Assault
Awareness by Mike Domitrz at www.mayikissyoubook.com
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These are
some issues students may face during this time of year.
This information can be useful to not only be aware of
what students may be going through, but also to plan relevant
programs.
Each of
the following issues should spark programming ideas in
your head. For example, to address "Graduate School
Syndrome" (see below), you might want to bring in
someone from the career center to talk about steps to
prepare for the application process and GRE/MCAT/LSAT
prep.
October
- Academic
stress from midterms builds with the great demand for
studying and preparation. For some students this may
be their first exam of the semester. For many, the midterm
workload pressures are followed by feelings of failure
and loss of self-esteem.
- Roommate
problems continue, but they are smaller in scope than
previous months.
- Values
exploration continuing, especially in the area of sexuality.
- Dating/non-dating/friendship
anxieties extremely high. Non-dating students feel a
sense of loss of esteem because so much value is placed
upon dating. For women who do date, the pressure to
perform sexually increases and consequently increases
feelings of rejection, loneliness and guilt and in some
instances leads to unwanted pregnancies.
- Homesickness
may be still felt by a number of students.
- Job
panic for mid-year graduates starts with the onset of
resume preparation and interviewing.
- Students
decide to withdraw from school because they either realize
that college is not the place for them, they return
home for personal reasons or they transfer to another
school.
- Grief
from not being part of a group develops because of inadequate
skills for finding a group, or from not being selected
by one.
- Financial
strain sets in from lack of budgeting experience.
- Homecoming
blues develop because of no date for social affairs,
and/or lack of ability/opportunity to participate in
activities.
- Graduate
school syndrome starts to emerge from graduating seniors.
Signing up for graduate school exams, wondering if you
will be accepted, wondering which school to apply to
and questioning whether graduate school is the right
thing to do.
- Time
conflicts between academic and social expectation emerges.
- Signing
up for classes involves starting to think about he following
semester
Adjusting to new study habits includes not just being
able to study the way they did in high school. More
time and greater workload needs to be incorporated into
their schedule for studying.
- Disenchantment
with school - low reward level because student begins
to realize that life at college is not as perfect as
they were led to believe by parents, teachers and counselors.
Old problems seem to continue and new ones are added.
An external reality they had put heir hopes in has failed
them.
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