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From
Aha! To Zing:
Charismatic Life and Leadership in 26 Words or Less
Written by Nancy H. Denney
What do
you want? Are you looking for popularity? How about recognition
or a promotion? Do you just want someone, anyone, to turn to you
at a floor or staff meeting and say, "You always have something
to contribute, what do you think?"
Maybe you
would just like to hang around people you admire and aspire to
emulate, as opposed to your current circle of friends and acquaintances.
(I've noticed that people who work in residential life tend to
choose their friends based upon proximity. Next door, near the
elevator, same building, these are potential friends. Down the
hall, another office or across campus, too far to go!)
Whether personal
or professional, regardless of your age, years as a resident assistant,
gender, socio-economic status, or shoe size (if you wear them)
the ability to attract people to your personality is a valid human
desire. People are social creatures relying on the interchanges
and interactions among their species. Although we espouse altruistic
benefits of "establishing community for your residents,"
the fact remains you often need them more than they need you.
The seeking
of immediate connectedness fulfils part of what's missing in your
soul - that empty feeling. The promise of a continuing belonging
or association with others inspires a sense of hope for our future.
From connectedness comes the basic human needs of security, safety
and structure.
Plain
talk? We long to belong. We like to be liked. Tough love?
Despite your agenda, are you likeable? Remember when your mother
used to say, "If you want to have a good friend, you need
to be a good friend?" Good advice followed by poor execution.
Despite your title, (i.e. Resident Assistant, Hall Council President,
Residence Director, etc.) are you respectable? Direct question?
Would you hang around you if you didn't have to? These
are questions of charisma.
The answers
to the above challenges are found in concepts of charismatic life
and leadership. Why? Because life and leadership go hand and hand,
you don't get one without the other. Like the letters of the alphabet
combining to make hundreds and thousands of words, so too twenty
six units (or trigger words and phrases) operate to override competing
forces for other's attention, making you mutually magnetic in
your relationships, more effective in your communications and
capable of igniting sparks, creating ideas and moving forward
socially conscious agendas.
"Charisma
is the ability to override competing forces for other's attention.
It is the IT you wish you had when you needed it."
You walked before you ran. You ate with your fingers before using
utensils. You read Dr. Suess before Dr. John Gardner (at least
I hope you did.) A natural developmental readiness combined with
a nurturing environment makes learning new ways of thinking and
behaving a matter of replacing existing behaviors that are less
effective (albeit working for you) with new ones designed to "zing"
you up!
Despite my
tendency to make up theories, quote myself and exaggerate, I also
make up words. "Zing" is such a word, as are a few more
triggers or units in my charismatic vocabulary. Being the last
of the charismatic triggers, it represents the moment when your
perceptiveness of the situation is so keen, so sharp, you know
that even your silence is powerful. Think about that, by not saying
something, by not having an opinion, by not "sharing,"
you create something that wouldn't exist if you did speak. That's
the "zing" moment. It symbolizes the ultimate in charisma
living and leadership - the ability to be heard without speaking.
In other words, to be more charismatic you need to stop talking.
Aha! Moments
The "aha!" moment isn't as rewarding. Anyone can "aha!"
Everybody does… especially new students, young professionals
or any of us when we are nervous. For brevity's sake, I'll compare
this unit of charismatic thought to being a deer in headlights.
At what point do you think the dear deer knows, if at all, the
car is the greater force? Apparently, after impact otherwise the
deer wouldn't be on the same path.
Have you ever
said something stupid and wished you could roll your tongue and
the last thirty seconds back into your mouth? Ever trip going
up the stairs? Ever back the wrong horse? Yes? These are blunders
of personality. When you are clearly in over your head, or consistently
subtracting from the "impact equation" not adding to
it, you know you need to work on becoming more charismatic. You
have a place to start. Aha!
"Homework!
Make a list of the Aha! moments of the last week. This is your
starting point."
Although
there are 26 charismatic units or triggers leading to a more magnetic
you, I'm going to share two, "boomerang," and
"reciprocity." Remember, when building your charismatic
style, it's not one thing that attracts others to your messages
and meanings in life and leadership, it's a combination of things.
Smaller units that make a bigger statement.
Boomerang!
Say it out loud. Now, picture a boomerang being thrown and coming
back to you, suggesting that what you put out there is what you
get to draw from. Talk negatively of others, and they will speak
negatively of you. Be late or keep people waiting and your regard
in other's eyes becomes compromised. Always plan accordingly to
arrive early and be the last to leave. Rushing in and rushing
out says, "Hey, I'm a mess, my leadership is a mess and my
life is a mess." You consequently get the assignments and
responses accompanying disorganization, aloofness and "scattered-brainess."
Conversely, arrive well prepared, do your "homework"
(research on who you are meeting, for example) and be available
for spontaneous combustion and others will see you as impressive,
proactive and available.
Reciprocity!
Here the simple notion or trigger of returning a favor applies.
The difference, however, is that there hasn't been a favor yet.
Charismatic people seek ways to "pay it forward" or
say "thank you" before they have received anything in
return. Create the thanks before you create the ability to go
to someone for a favor or friendship. Look around you. Who can
you send a card expressing your appreciation for the POTENTIAL
of what's to come or simple delight in simply meeting them?
Hopefully,
I've made you thirsty to increase your charismatic vocabulary.
Two letters can take years to perfect*, so begin now. Only you
can decide what you want and what kind of life and leadership
you deserve. Your residence environment is a laboratory of learning
and you are blessed to be surrounded by so many teachers. From
residents to front desk managers, from custodians to central staff
and from aha! to zing! your life and your leadership make a difference.
About
The Author
Nancy Hunter Denney is a former
resident advisor turned student affairs professional turned professional
speaker and leadership trainer. She is the author of Life by Design
and co-author of Let Your Leadership Speak. Having spoken to over
a million college students on over 600 campuses since creating
POTENTIAL Leadership Training and Lectures, Nancy is known for
her original thoughts, high energy and ability to relate to her
audiences. For information on how to make Nancy part of your next
training or motivational event, visit www.nancyhunterdenney.com
or call 888.566.7536.
For
Additional Information on Charisma go to Nancy's on-line store
and order her latest CD. "The Voice of Charisma."
*Editor's
Note: Nancy Hunter Denney will be providing further articles
on this topic in future newsletters and on the website. We'll
keep you posted!
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These
are some issues students may face during this time of year. This
information can be useful to not only be aware of what students
may be going through, but also to plan relevant programs.