Sample Stories

Here are a few of the stories that have been submitted for inclusion in the book.  All story submissions will be rated by outside evaluators, and the top 50 will be chosen for inclusion in each category.

Stars shine brightest in the dark

Nobody ever told me that it could happen--I never thought that things like this were real.But it did happen and it was the harshest reality I have ever had as a person and as an RA.

It was my first semester as an RA, and my second year as a college student.I had a floor of 67coed first-year students in a primarily first-year floor.It had been a tough semester all around, but one day, everything changed.

Eric (*name changed) lived next door to me.He was a fantastic person--an incredible musician.In fact, that was how I met him.I was walking through the hallway during the first few weeks of school when I heard this fantastic sound coming from his room.I stopped and asked who it was, and Eric replied "It's me."That broke the ice and we talked about music for hours.

Eric had a really hard time trusting people, but he began to talk to me pretty often.He talked about how hard it was to make friends, how much he wanted a girlfriend, how his relationship with his parents hurt him so much.One day, he came into my room and handed me a letter to read.It was more like a poem or song lyrics.It was written in all lowercase letters and titled "falling down."It described how alone and misunderstood he felt.At the end of the letter, Eric wrote how easy it would be to end it all.I asked him if he was suicidal and he said no.We talked for a long time and I was able to convince him to call the counseling center.I brought the letter to my hall director and kept a close eye on Eric.

He seemed to start getting better after he started seeing the counselor.He began making friends, started going out of his room, and found a niche of his own.He was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder and was prescribed Paxil.This was about two weeks before his death.The week prior to his death, Eric began drinking heavily, though I didn't really find out about it.I was concerned, especially after an incident that happened the night before his death.He had a lot to drink and was hitting his head against the frame of the bed, against the walls and against the door.I came in and had to call security to see if he had a concussion.His roommate volunteered to sit with him and I checked on him through the night.The next day we talked for a while and I told him that he needed to tell his counselor about what happened.He didn't want to because he felt that if he told his counselor, his parents would find out.I told Eric that I thought he should tell his counselor but if he didn't I was required to report it for his safety.We again had a discussion of whether or not he was suicidal.He told me no, and I believed him.

Around 11, a friend of his knocked on my door and said she was worried about him.I decided to see what was up.I grabbed my floor keys and knocked on his door."Eric, are you in there?" I asked.No answer."Eric, are you there?It's Terri.Open up!"No answer."Eric, I'm going to key in and check to see that you are all right,

ok?"I slipped my key in the lock and turned it, opening the door and walking in to any RAs worst nightmare. He had locked the door to his room and hung himself with a bedsheet from his loft.He sat down on the floor to die.I had believed him when he said he was not going to kill himself.I had believed him.

That night is still mostly a blur--some parts are crystal clear, while others are cloudy.I comforted residents, talked to the police, sat with my professional staff.At one point, I sat in my room and broke down, finally letting my tears flow.I looked up and two of my staff members were there along with Eric's counselor.I asked if he was really dead and he said yes.I went outside to cry on a bench.I looked up to see Eric's room, and just below his window was a reflection of a cross lit up with Christmas lights.

It has been a few months since his death.I am slowly working through my own feelings of guilt and responsibility. Wishing I had done more, wishing I could have prevented this.I'm searching for answers and healing with time.It is not just me that has to deal with Bryan's death--his family, his friends and my staff also have to deal with the fallout.Why did my friend, my neighbor, my resident have to die?I cannot find a way to understand.But I am seeing a therapist.And taking some time to work this out.And sharing my memories of Eric's life.I was lucky to know him.I have a quote framed on my desk.It reads "To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path--and don't worry about the darkness, for that is when stars shine the brightest."Perhaps this has made me a stronger person.But I would rather have Bryan here.He will forever be remembered in my heart.

Terri Thomas
Drake University

Another Day

Each morning as I roll from bed
I wonder what will lie ahead
What will I face out there today?
Welcome to the life of an RA.

Tornado warnings, fire drills
Someone who took a chance with sleeping pills
Broken glass and broken hearts,
Roommate friendships torn apart.

Another party down the hall
Another game of floor football
"Hey who began that water fight?"
"Who put in that porn on movie night?"

A six page paper still to write,
Four different meetings, all tonight,
Another one where I'm up late,
Oh well I'll sleep after I graduate!

I often laugh, I sometimes cry,
I almost daily wonder "why?"
Why do I take on all this stuff?
An RAs job is just too tough!!

But when I think I've been stretched thin,
Someone asks "Can I come in?"
"Thank you so much" they shyly say
"You really helped me out today."

Then suddenly my mind is clear
And I remember why I'm here.
It's so much more than room and board,
My staff My floor The best rewards.

Reversed Roles?

Every once and a while, I would walk through the halls tired from school work, RA programs, staff meetings, personal life, and wonder if my efforts were really impacting my residents or simply remaining listless.

My wing consisted of sixteen girls with whom I felt I had a pretty good relationship.I hoped to positively influence each of their lives in some way before the school year was over.I had become a master at reading most of their faces, the "I just failed a test" face, or "My boyfriend is a jerk" face, "oops, slept through that class" face, "I miss home" face, "Why is life so hard and confusing and..." face.

However, the one thing I had forgotten was that many of my girls had become accustomed to interpreting my face as well.On November 16, 1999, it became very apparent how well my residents knew my countenances too, and soon I was reminded why I had out forth my efforts in this job. 

I remember having a long day at school, work not ever ending, some hard tests coming up, and boys were just driving me crazy.It was a mixture of this and a long day that didn't bring me to the comforts of my dorm room until about 10 p.m.With only one thing in mind, getting to my room ASAP, I quickly walked down the hall.Of course, I was stopped by three girls who asked me if I was ok, to which I smiled and said "I'm fine," and continued to scurry to my room.Approaching my door I fumbled with my keys, finally unlocked it, and quickly slammed the door behind me, unaware that another resident had seen me in a hurry at the door and was going to approach me.Only after maybe five seconds in my room, one of my girls pounded on my door.I opened it to see if she was ok, and she pushed her way in, told me to sit down, and told me I needed to let out whatever was on my mind.I was a little taken aback.I felt the roles had switched.Wasn't I supposed to be the one that helped them with their problems not vice versa?Not saying much at first, she continued to stay put in her stance and said "Mel, I'm not leaving until you talk, you're human too."Still feeling slightly uncomfortable, I talked and told her some of the basis of my frustrations.She gave me some encouragement, a hug, and said I knew where she lived and she was there for me.I thanked her and sent her on her way.Finally, I felt a little better, and it was 11:00, and I was ALL by MYSELF.Maybe five minutes following the first resident, another one knocked on my door.I opened it and she said, "Hi, I know that when I'm mad I don't want to talk, so I just want to say hi and tell you that if you need me I'll be up for awhile.Ok?Good night."I smiled, and thanked her too.Then, I relaxed to some television, and fell asleep shortly after embracing the comforts of my bed.

The next morning I had the luxury of sleeping having only an afternoon class.I awoke around noon, and I went to my closet to start my daily routine.As I approached my door to leave for the showers, I found that someone had left me a note and slid it under my door.It was a piece of printer paper with a hand drawn yellowish-orange rose in the middle with a quote besides it saying "Life can be beautiful, but sometimes thorny."Around the edges of the paper, there was blue writing that encircled the page and looked like a frame to the beautiful flower.The message read:

"Melissa:I just wanted to send you a little rose to let you know that I was thinking of you.Believe me, I know that life is full of thorns and those thorns are hard to avoid. I am not going to begin to tell you however that I understand your pain.Instead, I wanted to let you know that you amaze me in so many ways.You are an ideal role model and friend in my life.Anyone who does not see all the beauty you possess is not worth your time.You are an extraordinary RA, sibling, daughter, and friend.You have accomplished so much at such an early age due to your ambition and intelligence.I love you and are thinking of you always.Love, (her name....to be disclosed if you use this)

Losing one of your own

In my years as a Resident Assistant, I have always known the support and friendship our staff had together. However, this year, I have realized the strength that each of us gives each other in times when everyone is at a loss of words.

This past fall, three of our residents were killed in an accident at another school while crossing the road coming from a party. Two of the freshman girls were roommates. Most of the residents of our hall did not know it happened until the next day, but when word got out that night, we knew that we would have to deal with a lot of pain and grief, and that for the moment, we had to put our own grief aside to help the girls we serve.

One of the Resident Assistants was a resident of my own the previous year, and the other was a good friend of mine that was a second year RA. The returning RA knew the night before, but my old resident had no idea what had happened, or that it had affected two of her girls. I knew that I had to stay in the lobby and wait for her to come back from being out of town, and as soon as she got in we rushed her into a secluded room and told her what had happened. 

It almost killed me to see her buckle down when we told her the bad news-- it was enough pain just to know that the three girls had lived in our residence hall. I gave her a hug, and tried to come up with something to tell her when she asked, "What do I do? What do I tell my girls?"The only thing I could answer was "I don't know, I don't know." In my three years of being a RA, I had never gone through something like this, and I had no clue on how to handle the grief of over four hundred freshman women.

That day and the next, our hall was bombarded with the press looking for pictures, quotes, and memories of the girls who were killed just two days before. With the help of the public relations department and many of our staff, we were able to give the residents who knew the girls well enough time to get over the shock and the press some info about how we felt about the loss of three of our residents. However, most of the RAs, including myself, were still in shock. We could not believe that this could happen.

A few weeks later, when the hall was just starting to get back to normal, the RAs got together for a gripe session. Tensions had been running on high since the three deaths, and most of us were to the point where we could go off at any minute. After a few things were said, one of the RAs that had one of the deceased residents spoke up. She explained how much she had not been able to grieve the loss on her own because she was trying to be strong for the families, her residents, and even the staff, but she was so stressed out that she had no idea on how to grieve her own loss.

Many of us were silenced-- we had focused so much on how we had gotten on each other's nerves that we really hadn't dealt with what was really needed to strengthen the staff. From then on it became evident that we needed to listen to each other-- not just what was said, but what was left unsaid as well.It became an unspoken decision to make sure that each person of the staff was supported, whether it was when one of us had the flu to a loss of a loved one or resident. 

Our residence hall is still healing from the wounds of losing some of our own, but it has helped us realize that life is too short and precious to not support each other fully. This support has given us a new life, and has made us focus more on others than ourselves.

Jennessa Reed – Baylor University

It's when things seem worse that you must not quit.

One of the most important life decisions I have made was to become a Resident Assistant. I was a freshman from Nigeria, a foreign country, and I felt it would be a stepping-stone to improve my communication and social skills in an environment that I was unfamiliar with. Most of all, I just wanted to be understood and accepted, but that would take over two years to achieve. After going through a tedious carousel selection process, I became one of the twenty-two R.A. staff members for the 97-98 academic year at Thomas Jefferson Residence Hall, University of Missouri-Rolla.

My first semester as an R.A., I went all out and had a small program for the floor almost every week. My first few weeks were very successful. I was able to get all my freshmen to the semester's opening activities and they were all very excited. Later, in the semester, things began to change. As with every community, there comes a time when people just stop being nice to each other and start getting real. This is a movement from the "pseudo-community" stage to the "Chaos stage". The "community stage" was to come much later. Although, I made sure I knocked on everyone's door before a program, very few people were responsive. They seemed to have formed their own interests and clicks and no matter what kind of program I did, I could never reach them. I could not help but think that there was something I wasn't doing right, or that they just didn't like me anymore. Things got worse when one of my residents, Jennifer wrote a letter to my supervisors saying that I was an inadequate R.A. who didn't know my residents and that other residents felt the same way. I could find no reasonable explanation for this because I was doing everything an R.A. was expected to do. I was hurt that she didn't come to talk to me first and never gave me suggestions of what she would like me to do. I was on the verge of quitting but I decided to get advice from a senior staff member, Anita, who was in charge of the other wing. She told me that there would always be difficult and discouraging residents and that I was doing an incredible job. She gave me examples of similar experiences she and other R.A.s had been through, how they had stuck it through and even ended up getting promoted. I realized how these obstacles made stronger R.A.s and how coping through this would help me in the long run. That was all I needed to keep me going. The next semester, I got my residents to brainstorm on programs that they would like to do that semester, and volunteer to organize those programs. I also asked my floor officers to write their expectations of me and I did the same for them. We had weekly officers meetings to go over these expectations and floor business. We also went over comments and suggestions in the comment box I placed outside my door so that residents could be anonymous and honest. This greatly improved the community. Still, I did not feel I had the best relationship with every resident. Some residents complained to my resident director that I was trying too hard! I knew I could not please everyone so I continued to do my best by doing less and getting my residents to do more. I knew I did the best job as an RA that semester. I did so well and felt so well about myself that I performed my best academically, produced four R.A.s from my community, and we won community of the year that semester. As a result, I was not surprised when I was listed on the programming hall of fame and promoted to senior resident assistant for the 98-99 academic year.

I was put on a floor with mostly seniors, which was a new challenge because I was used to mostly freshmen. I focused more on building personal relationships, hall-wide programming and letting the floor run itself. Of course I got comments like "She's doing so much for the halls but nothing for the floor" but I had learned my lesson. I had formed new positions on the floor so that everyone who wanted to be involved on the floor had an opportunity. I had other challenges that semester as an RA, personally, and academically. Being so far away from home was beginning to take its toll on me, but I never quit. That year the community produced one RA, Gina, who held one of the positions I created. Tina, one of the creative residents and our social chair, another position I created, became resident of the year, and is planning on becoming an RA next year. The highlight of that year was at the end when one of the first year R.A.s, Henrietta, who was one of the residents from my previous community, came up to me and said she was sorry for being so hard on me when she was my resident. She said she now understood how much hard work it was to be an RA and that I was great and she was glad she didn't have any residents like herself.

Today, as the Head Resident Assistant of Thomas Jefferson Hall for the 99-00 academic year, I supervise twenty-one Resident Assistants. I have earned several leadership awards from the university and featured in the October 1999 issue of Glamour Magazine as one of the Top 10 College women in the United States. In May 2000, I will graduate with honors and move on to medical school. Rich with experience, I am able to give advice to all the R.A.s that come to me with various situations. I tell them several of my experiences, and encourage them to never quit because if I had quit 2 years ago, I would never have made it this far.

Christmas Away from Home

Right before Christmas, I sent letters home to each of my residents’ parents stating that I was going to have a Christmas party on my section and asking them to send me a present for their daughter from them.It could be under $10.It was a secret for my residents and they were not supposed to tell. 

Well, I received 100% presents from the parents.It was so nice receiving all the presents and the total was 25!My residents didn't know what was going on, so when I had a "MANDATORY CHRISTMAS PARTY" they all came and about lost it!You should have seen the looks on their face when they realized the presents were from their parents or special loved ones.Some of the residents even said "Molly, that was so sweet of you to buy us all these presents and wrap them in different wrapping paper.And I swear, my mom has that same wrapping paper at home!" 

What a fun event to get into the Christmas spirit and the neat thing was some of the parents even sent me a little gift or a thank you card!!!!!

This is one of the reasons I love being an RA!!

Molly K. O'Leary

Saint Mary's College

Popcorn

When I learned over the summer that I had been offered a position as a RA I was so excited. I was chosen as an alternate and now I had a position on staff for the '99-00 year. I would be working with freshman, which I looked forward too. However I had less then 2 weeks to get all my stuff for my SINGLE room!!! In a mad dash to get everything I frequently visited the mall, Linens N Things, Wal-Mart, all the college shopping stores. I decided since I was going to have a single why not get some small appliances like a sandwich maker, and an air popcorn popper.

So I bought all this cool stuff and before I knew it I was at Lycoming College, a whole week early for RA training. Once in my room, I started to unpack and move in, with in a few hours it was starting to look like home. The next morning we had our first day of training. After a long and info. filled day I decided to reward myself with a nice hot buttery bowl of air-popped popcorn.... you know take my new popcorn maker out for a test pop. So I hooked it all up and turned on the machine, since the machine was quite noisy I closed my door and continued popping.

Well about 5 minutes later the building fire alarm was going off, and security was evacuating the building. I say my new supervisor in her Pj's along with the rest of the RA staff, and I informed her that I think I set off the building alarm. She then said Room 105? I said, yeah that’s my room I was making popcorn. Needless to say, I was the joke of the week, the new RA setting off the fire alarm.Still I have not made popcorn since that time, and my air popcorn maker now resides in the closet.

Aaron Seiz - Resident Advisor - Lycoming College