Valentine's Day, Anti-Valentine's Day |
Description:
The program was based off of the history of valentine's
day as well as David Lettermen's top ten list from Feb
13, 1995 on why no one wants to be your valentine.
The full program is at the bottom of this page.
Instructions/Things Needed:
construction paper
valentine's decorations
anti valentine's decorations
Information to cut, past and print out for your
bulletin board:
>From New York:
The wild, wild East...it's THE TOP
TEN LIST for Monday, February 13, 1995. And now,
the replacement shortstop for the New York Mets...David
Letterman!
>From the home office in Sioux City, Iowa...
(renumbered)
TOP TEN SIGNS NO ONE WANTS TO BE YOUR VALENTINE
10. You ain't a Gingrich, but your nickname's
"newt"
9. The last time you got laid was during the
Eisenhower administration
8. You spend your vacation chasin' lizards
7. You get a Heart-filled box filled with angry
hornets
6. The babes just don't seem to go for you
homemade star trek uniform
5. You have one of them handsome Ito beards--and
you're a woman
4. Fox is starting a new show about you:
"America's least wanted"
3. You're taking private tutorials with Jocelyn
elders
2. Phone sex operators keep hanging up on you
1. The pope asks you for tips on celibacy
Excerpted from the book "I'm so tired of other
people, I'm dating myself."
Some of the top ten ways "I'm" spending this
Valentine's day.
-watching "Fatal Attraction" over and over to
remind me what I'm not missing
-calling all the women I've gone out with in the past
year, and asking them if they enjoyed my wedding
presents
-renting the Jocelyn Elders workout video
-waiting until tomorrow when I can buy all the really
cheap chocolate, then eating like a pig
-taking my significant other, Candy, to be patched at
the local bicycle repair shop
-campaigning for a law banning the following phrases:
can't we just be friends?
I think of you as my brother. (sister)
I mean "sleep" together
you'd like him--he's a lot like you
my boy/girlfriend and I got back together
sure, I'll go out with you...but only casually (at first
this seems innocent until you realize it means "you
buy me food, movies, and parking, and in the end, I'll
break your heart)
you're the only one for me (when said by a man)
you can trust me (ditto)
someday, it'll happen to you (when said by anyone
married)
-going cherub hunting with some anti-tank missiles...
-ignoring everyone, being surly, anti-social and just
generally bitter about not owning stock in Hallmark
>From the Alt. Holiday Valentine's Day Survival Kit
by Leigh Orf
You hate Valentine' Day. Every year you screw up
your face in disgust when your eyes fall on the center
of your February calendar. Every year you glare in
contempt and hatred at these ignorant fools who buy into
this money-making scheme of unabashed transparent
nothingness thinkly disguised as a day to show that
special loved one just how much you care, while leaving
those of us who are not in the thores of love to feel
rejected, unloved, and downright inadequate. And
those of you who are lucky enough to share the
companionship of another are aware that passing this
wretched date by unheeded will result in scorn and
contempt from your partner.
I have compiled a list of things you can do to make
February 14 a tolerable, more enjoyable, day for those
of who refuse to be enslaved by commercialism.
1. Firebomb all the Hallmark card shops you can
find.
2. Gather a large amount of sympathetic
malcontents together and declare Feb. 14 as a Day of
Hate. Ridicule those who are less fortunate than
you, refuel old ethnic hatred while encouraging the hate
that already exists, explode an advertising binge of
misanthropy.
3. Upon coming in contact with aforementioned
amorous starry-eyed couples, proceed to exclaim to
either one, "Why didn't you call me! You told
me our passionate night together was only the
beginning?! Who the ---- is THIS cretin?
Don't you know that s/he could never love you like I
can?! You're coming with ME!" Etc....
You get the picture. Refuse to be passive!
Jon the ranks of the angry, the bitter, and smash this
day into oblivion.
History of Valentine's Day
Lupercalia, February 15, was a festival dedicated to
Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the
Roman founders Romulus and Remus. To begin the
festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman
priests, would gather at the sacred cave where the
infants Romulus and Remus, the founder of Rome, were
believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa.
The priests would then sacrifice a goat, for fertility,
and a dog, for purification. Far from being
fearful, Roman women welcomed being touched with the
hides because it was believed the strips would make them
more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day,
according to legend, all young women in the city would
place their names in a big urn. The city's
bachelors would then each choose a name out of the urn
and become paired for the year with this chosen woman.
These matches often ended in marriage.
Pope Gelasius declared Feb. 14 St. Valentine's Day
around 498 A.D.
According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the
first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in
prison, it is believed that Valentine feel in love with
a young girl--who may have been his jailor's
daughter--who visited him during his confinement.
Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a
letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an
expression that is still in use today. Although
the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the
stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic,
heroic, and, mostly importantly, romantic figure.
In Great Britain, Valentine's Day began to be popularly
celebrated around the 17th century. By the middle
of the 18th century, it was common for friends and
lovers in all social classes to exchange small tokens of
affection or handwritten notes. By the end of the
century, printed cards began to replace written letters
due to improvements in printing technology.
Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express
their emotions in a time when direct expression of one's
feelings was discouraged.
Americans probably began exchanging hand-made valentines
in the early 1700s. In the 1840s, Esther A.
Howland began to sell the first mass-produced valentines
in America.
Name: Laura P.
School: Northern Illinois University
email: [email removed]
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