|
These
exercises are adapted from the brochure “Tips
for Getting Along with Roommates” produced by
the Counseling Center at the University of Virginia.
They
may be useful for your own reference as well as for
your residents
Developing A Mutual Understanding
Negotiating A Compromise
Managing Conflict
*These exercises are adapted from the brochure “Tips
for Getting Along with Roommates” produced by
the Counseling Center at the University of Virginia.
Developing a Mutual Understanding
Begin by establishing a pattern of open communication
and cooperation with your roommate(s). Take time to
share your reactions to some of the following sentence
leads. This process will help you understand each
other more fully and to pinpoint potential areas for
negotiation and compromise.
Background:
The family and community environment I come from is....
What I miss most and least about home is.....
I came to Carnegie Mellon because....
This year, I’m most looking forward to....
This year, I am worried about...
Lifestyle
I like to spend money on...
I like to sleep at these times:
I need approximately _____ hours of sleep each night.
The grades I hope to earn this semester are....
My typical approach to studying is....
I think drinking and drug use are...
Some things I feel strongly about are....
For me, making friends is....
Emotions
My parents and friends describe me as....
What I do when I’m:
restless is... happy is... sad is.... bored is...
tired is... sick is... stressed is... angry is....
What I want others to do when I’m (each of the
above) is....
Something that is likely to annoy me is...
Summary
Something I find interesting about you is....
I believe we may be similar in...
I believe we may be different in...
We may have to negotiate or compromise on...
If you and your roommate(s) determine that there are
aspects of sharing a living space that require a compromise,
then take a look at Negotiating a Compromise below.
If you do not feel comfortable attempting this process
on your own, contact your Resident Assistant, Community
Advisor, or Coordinator of Student Life for assistance.
Negotiating A Compromise
Once you and your roommate(s) have pinpointed aspects
of sharing a living space where negotiation is needed,
use this outline to help structure a written agreement
between you. Putting agreements and understandings
in writing helps to clarify issues and provides a
point of reference if future conflicts arise.
If you are having difficulty determining where negotiation
is needed, then take another look at the Developing
a Mutual Understanding or talk with your Resident
Assistant, Community Advisor, or Coordinator of Student
Life. Further suggestions for approaching a negotiation
are included in the section titled Managing Conflict.
Study time in the room/apartment: When will it be?
What days? What hours? Will the stereo or TV be on
or off? Volume?
Guests: When can there be guests? How long can they
stay?
Use of personal property: What can be shared? What
can’t be shared? Must permission be given?
Telephone: Where should messages be written? What’s
the preferred policy for answering call waiting?
Cleanliness: How often will the room/apartment be
cleaned? Who will do it? What are your definitions
of clean and messy?
Privacy: How much privacy is needed? How often? How
long?
Space: How much space is needed? Where will things
be stored?
Social events: How frequent? What time? Who will clean
up?
Security: When will the door be locked? When will
it be left open?
If you attempt to negotiate a roommate conflict and
the situation does not improve, contact your Resident
Assistant, Community Advisor, or Coordinator of Student
Life for help. It is better to get a trained, impartial
third party involved than to put yourself in a situation
in which you are uncomfortable. If you do find yourself
having recurring difficulties with your roommate(s),
you might also want to read the suggestions under
Managing Conflict.
Managing Conflict
If you do find yourself involved in a roommate conflict,
here are some tips to help you address the situation:
Talk straight. Level with each other. Ex: “When
you do X in situation Y, I feel Z.” Be honest
about your needs, thoughts, and feelings.
Validate other’s positions. Try to understand
others’ points of view even when they differ
from you own. Ex: “I can understand how you might
feel that way.
Your reaction makes sense.”
Negotiate. Attack problems, not each other. Come to
an agreement on what the conflict is and on what a
solution may be. Make a plan of action that will
help you to achieve the solution. Set a future date
to evaluate the situation.
Use “I” statements to own and express your
thoughts/feelings. Ex: “I feel left out”
sounds very different from “You never spend any
time with me.”
When possible, state issues positively. Instead of
detailing why you can’t do what someone asks
of you, state what you’re willing to do. Ex:
“No, I can’t clean up the kitchen right
now, but I will do it by noon tomorrow.”
Try not to involve your neighbors or mutual friends
in your conflict. This can aggravate the conflict
and complicate the situation.
When an objective third party is needed, call your
Resident Assistant, Community Advisor or Coordinator
of Student Life. Contacting the staff early can prevent
the conflict from growing.
These exercises are adapted from the brochure “Tips
for Getting Along with Roommates” produced by
the Counseling Center at the University of Virginia.
|